I sat in a seminar this morning in a state of wonder. I was surrounded by about fifty women—all mid-to high-level managers or entrepreneurs in mid-career--and heard words that weren’t even a thing when I was their age: self-care..

When I was at a similar point in my frenzied media career (and later in nonprofit management), my main concern was chipping away at my nearly insurmountable to-do list while not appearing clueless about half the items on that list. Like them, I had taken on ever-expanding leadership roles, paradoxically fostered and limited by my attachment to perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and low-to mid-level anxiety. I say “attachment to” because these characteristics seemed to be literally sewn into my skin with all the deft precision and attention to invisibility of the highest paid cosmetic surgeon.

These women had wrestled with the same demons I had, but they unashamedly and 'selfishly' admitted that soothing themselves--with everything thing from shopping to meditation to mantras to woodland walks to spa days—was the way to the promised land. In fact, prioritizing Me-Time every day was the proclamation of this band of women warriors for achieving career success.

At first, my Boomer-success-at-all-costs-even-if-you-die-at-your-desk mindset kicked in as usual. The familiar refrain pummeled my self-esteem: “How can you expect to get ahead without hard work and sacrifice?” Ain't nobody got time for such foolishness!

Then I came to my post-menopausal, Wise Woman, Crone senses and remembered, of course, they're right. Women in general are programmed, whether by society or child-rearing, to be the caretakers and the CEOs of the household, the community, their careers, their ageing parents, the weather—whatEVER needs to get done, be changed, or over-prepare for. As a result, thinking about ourselves has been relegated to the Kingdom of the Selfish, where only bad mothers, poor housekeepers, and harlots go.

However, with advanced age and forty years behind me on the career path, I now know that way lies madness. Driven, relentless, perfectionist work ethic can only get you so far, for so long. I'd say about as far as age 37 ½. After that you start losing brain cells and gaining wrinkles exponentially.

As one participant put it ever so wisely: “Self-care = resilience training.” Truer words have never been spoken. Every time I play, I give my brain permission to be creative. Every walk I take, gives me the space to connect to a grounded natural order that never fails to give me insight. Be it meditation, knitting, yoga, gallery crawling, running, or simply breathing deeply, the breaks between intense mental and emotional output never fail to rejuvenate or crack open a clog, making me more on purpose, more clear, and more sane.

If self-care builds resilience, then lack of self-care builds breakdowns...and burnouts and resentments and poor judgment. Studies have shown that taking breaks throughout the day—detaching from work thoughts and focussing on an activity that brings positive emotions-- helps directly reduce work demands that are causing fatigue...which then allows you to naturally recover.

For me, those breaks mean being anywhere there are trees or going to a yoga class. For my wife, I know she's under intense stress at work when she comes home and wants to paint the bathroom or clean out the garage. Cutting into the corners with her paintbrush gives her a simple, yet deep, satisfaction of doing something well and finishing it—and that opens pathways in her brain to be productive in other ways when she gets back to work the next day.

So go ahead, work hard. Be persistent and relentless in pursuit of your dreams. But notice when frustration and weariness build up in your body and give yourself permission to walk away from it for a few minutes or even hours. A more resilient YOU is waiting to give you exactly what you need.