On the whole, I am not lonely. I see my best friend/wife every day. My two children talk to me at least every week. Anybody who gets to talk to her grown children regularly, and belly-laugh, and rest her head every night on the pillow next to her best friend doesn't get to say she's lonely. But I am alone, a lot, and that has its up and downs. I'm absolutely sure I've extended my life, as well as the quality of my life because of the lack of stress and panic attacks. But on the downside, I have to generate connectedness, which happens to be one of my dominant character traits in every personality test I've taken from Myers Briggs to Strengthfinders. I see connectedness everywhere. I find spiritual connection through yoga, meditation, and talking to my “tree women” on my walks in the woods. But human connection is how I know I'm here in this world, how I see my humanity reflected back to me, how I know love. Without that, loneliness creeps in, and I can be rootless, the lines of me blurred, and the heart longing and questioning.

Loneliness is a messenger of sadness, and sadness is a sign of release and loss. I'm sad about the loss of a people-filled work life, the work family that made me laugh and came together in inspiring creative bursts on projects. I miss that camaraderie, that feeling of people having your back.

If I follow sadness' cue to let go and relax into that feeling of loneliness I can pass through it to a number of places where I can rejuvenate and reset. Feeling lonely can be the niggle for action, to pick up the phone, make a lunch date, ask a favor, extend a helping hand, create an event to invite others.

Mary Pipher, in her book Women Rowing North, writes about learning how to “alchemize loneliness into solitude. We can reframe the time we spend alone as positive time and find more ways to enjoy ourselves.” Solitude is the perfect space for writing and reading, for cooking, and for walks in the woods. Solitude is the opportunity for gratitude, to have the space to remember and acknowledge friendship, the beauty of my garden, the soulful gaze of my pit bull, my good health..and for this spacious place in life.

There was a time when I barely had time to pee; I literally went years without having a single hour to myself. For all those young mothers who work full time, I see you! It's hard what you are doing. From the other side of the age spectrum, I can tell you that alone time is necessary for growth and just plain sanity, but it's complicated to create and to navigate. You can be lonely in college, lonely as a new mother, lonely as a retiree. All stages of life are hard at some point.

Pipher offers two pieces of advice through all the stages:

1. “There are many lives in a lifetime.” Our lives will always be changing, good and bad, but each change offers the opportunity to sharpen our values and shore up to true north.

2. “Women friends are a mental health insurance policy.” Amen, Sister. Find at least one who you can share your real self with at anytime.

So, is it loneliness or solitude at this moment? Truthfully, it's both. But I do have a choice to find inner wisdom, creativity, and spiritual connection in solitude or reach through the loneliness to others to be useful, grateful, and connected. I always have a choice to grow bigger.