7 weeks into the Pandemic... what have I lost?

I'm one of the lucky ones who has the luxury of being irritated by the loss of grocery shopping for exactly what I want when I want it, or missing restaurant ambience and hugs. But swimming in a sea of economic loss on a life raft, for now, does not keep me from worrying mightily for others close to me and for my future.

I feel anger and anxiety that my children's generation has another uphill battle. Weren't the financial crisis when they graduated from college and crushing college debt enough? Awash in unfairness, they did not bring this on themselves. It is so much harder than it was for me at their age to just survive even with their education and intelligence and desire to make a difference. I'm furious at the poor leadership of our president, his administration, and Congress for being political and self-serving. I am worried that my children’s skills and talents may not be valued in the 'new economy', whatever that means.

When I come up for air, I know I don't control the virus or the economy. I can learn and follow the facts to react appropriately and protect, not stick my head in the sand, but I can't control it. I watch my familiar anxiety doing its thing, worrying, feeling the rug pulled out from under me, from under my family and wonder: will I be able to help them? But I can't control their lives either.

Here's what I know: I am happier and less stressed than I have ever been. I am more connected and useful to my wife and my kids than I have ever been. My value is completely unrelated to my income; my value, if it is measured at all, is based on units of care: the meals I make, the volunteer hours on the food policy council, the listening I provide to family and friends, the curation of ideas that move our democracy and our society forward in a just and equitable manner, and finally in the pages I write. It was that way before the pandemic, by choice, as it is now. But my continued belief in this value, not connected to a paycheck, is being tested against the backdrop of unprecedented economic uncertainty.

What I know is that my wife and kids are working, taking care of themselves, paying the bills, contributing, being of great value to others to justice and democracy. Expressly because I don't have a job distracting me, I am more focussed on love and well-being for them and for me. I am bringing my full self to my community and to my creativity and my spiritual connection. Still the familiar nagging: is it enough?

Intentionally letting go of the fear of losing economic security: How can I ride the energy of this pandemic? Embrace that fortunes rise and fall and rise again, that opportunities and truths are always revealed by great change. I willfully let go of fear and anger and anxiety, seeing my true value, and supporting my family riding their values, being who they truly are. My job is to support them being fully themselves, seeing their light and their talents and their strengths to persist and rise. My contribution is to help others see and develop the best of themselves and how those qualities will help them navigate the rise and fall of events which none of us controls. Staying clear and open and receptive to rivulets and eddies of insights and the light of positive change. Yes, AND. Yes, there's a pandemic and loss, AND there will be openings to a better way. None of us will be able to see the cracks of light if our heads are down and our spirits are blinded by perceptions of inadequacy.

ONLY LIGHT ELIMINATES DARKNESS.

Cindy Sink